Almanax

The Republicq COMITE OF PUBLICQ SAFETY SEEZES STAYT POWER – SPELLIG REPHORM IMPOZD
REV: Tribe von Krabb organized a network of secret Patriotic conspiracies and on Thursday, they struck together. A well-oiled Revolutionary machine.

NEXT STEP: The REV must be exported. The Hanse is a league of Trading Cities that organize a Crusade against Piracy. Tribe von Krabb has a cunnig plan to pack juries and stack comites and get the Slave-Trade declared as Piracy. We must be loyal to our Mayor and build more war-ships.
INTERVIEW: Major General Moritz von Krabb, Pontifex Maximus, Lord Mayor to our Lady Galborgis the Great, Mother of Liberty, Queen of the Seas, Amen. Very fashionable duelling scars. Passion for Spellig Rephorm shows he is an intellectual. His hobby of Elvish Chess shows that he is cool and dangerous. He is very glad that his aunt is proven innocent



CARTOON: frame 1: Pharos Cathedral is decorated for the Wedding of the Century. Bishop says “Does anybody know any just cause or lawful impediment?”
Frame2: Dimitri wears a green Zorro suit and stands outside the West door of the Cathedral yelling “I object!”
Frame 3: Congregation says “We can’t hear you. Come inside and say that.”

THOMAN CIVIL WAR: No Kings! No Kings! No Kings! But for the sake of Practicality, we should sell arms to Hjulmar slime Food. (pro-Merchant)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE: In West Shtalling Canton, Orcs kidnapped a Vicar. A horde of Barbarian Mercenaries rescued him to loud applause,

POETRY CORNER:
Bring me your tired and your poor
Your huddled masses yearning to breath free
The wretched refuse of your teaming shore
Bring these the homeless, tempest toss’d to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

SPORT: Tipster recommends betting on the Blue team in the Horse race.

Published: Patriotic Peasants’ Party, Ädelweiss Villas, Micklegate. Upper Shambles










The Spark: PEACE! LAND! BREAD!

REV: Totally gung-ho in favour of Peasants seizing State power by Armed Force.

NEXT STEP: Deepen the REV. The ex-Slaves are LEGALLY free. They need homes, jobs, friends etc. to be TRULY free. Reduce Aristos privileges; increase Peasant privileges. Raid the Manors, share the Land equally.
INTERVIEW: Harry the Bastard is happy aboot the Wedding of the Century. He plugs the Blue Anchor pub. He refuses to answer questions about Od’s messianic Prophecies.



CARTOON: Peasants raid a Manor, hang the Aristo and throw dung at the corpse –toilet humour.

THOMAN CIVIL WAR: No Kings! No Kings! No Kings! But for the sake of Practicality, we should sell arms to Dimitri deyvan Rurikov, the rightful Emperor. (pro-Peasant)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE: Remember those comedy foreigners who were in the Pub a fortnight ago? They did something heroic in the frozen North.

POETRY CORNER:
There’s a green eyed yellow idol to the North of Cat man Duo
There’s a little marble tomb below the town
Where a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew
And the Yellow god forever gazes down.

SPORT: Tipster recommends betting on the Green team in the Archery contest.

Published: Noraid, the Blue Anchor, Suyver St., Shambles


Aurora Borealis: THE LAND IS FREE! GLORY HALLELUJAH!

REV: Focuses on the Choir of Vestal Virgins fighting the Slave Traders; occasional references to Peasants in the background helping out.

NEXT STEP: Consolidate the REV. We must show a united face or the other Powers might think we are weak. The ex Slaves must be Freed.
INTERVIEW: Qúlí doom Lučera is very glad that her mother is proven innocent. The ex-slaves need to be truly free, jobs, homes etc. She collects fluffy toy animals and weapons of mass destruction. “Just to keep them oot of the wrong hands.” She adds with an innocent smile. “Qúlámis” is Thoman for “Helen”, the most beautiful woman in the World; “Qúlí” means “Nellie”.

CARTOON: Maidens of Saint Trinian’s fight Slave Traders.

THOMAN CIVIL WAR: Support the dream ticket of Qúlámis deyvan Rurikova and weedy Piers Buhróvik. (Od’s prophecy seems to suggest)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE: Pamela, North Choirmistress of the Vestals met Bezira the Paladin, so the report of the Shtallingford dungeon is mostly Bezira’s version with a North Flamist spin. They encountered Beylak the Outcast, he xplained his cunnig plan, showed off his big, red, Self-destruct Button and xcaped “The World shall hear from me again! Mwah hah hah!”

POETRY CORNER:
Maidens of St. Trinian’s, gird your armour on
Grab the nearest weapon, never mind which one
The battle’s to the strongest, might is always right
Trample on the weakest, glory in their plight
St. Trinian’s, St. Trinian’s, our Battle-cry
St. Trinian’s, St. Trinian’s can never die.

SPORT: Tipster recommends betting on the White team in the Eat contest.

Published: Pharos Cathedral, Close



Aurora Australis: SOUTH VESTALS FIGHT WITH GLORY AND PROWESS

REV: Focuses on how well the Vestal Virgins fought EXPECIALLY South Vestals. No mention at all of the cause they fought for.

NEXT STEP: Let’s just put all this unpleasantness behind us and go home.

INTERVIEW: Emma de Luceres, South Choirmistress enjoys Opera and long walks in the countryside. She looks forward to Mayday. “If there is any Mayday left after all this wretched Kalendar Rephorm nonsense.” She adds bitterly.


CARTOON: Maidens versus generic enemies.

THOMAN CIVIL WAR: we should sell arms to Mitzvik the Inquisitor (pro-Priest)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE: Some inaccuracies re Shtallingford Dungeon, Bezira told Pamela, Pamela added a North Flamist spin when she told Emma, Emma added her own South Flamist spin. The incompetent Northerners let the Villain escape without even determining whether he was the real Beylak or someone dressed up to scare superstitious Goblins.

POETRY CORNER:
Thine be the Glory, risen conquering Sun
Endless is the Victory, thou over Death has won.

SPORT: Usually, the Red team wins the Whibble hunt. Many of them were injured during the recent unpleasantness Tipster recommends betting on Green.

Published: Pharos Cathedral, Close





The Zorro: AUX ARMES CITOYENS!

REV: Dimitri draco Potter fought the Aristos, eventually, Peasants were inspired and joined in.

NEXT STEP: Complete the REV. Abolish the Aristo order. All shall equal be. All Power to the Guild-moots.
INTERVIEW: Dimitri wears a green Zorro suit. He won’t answer questions aboot doors. He furiously denies treasonous rumours that the Hero of the Peasants is an Aristo in disguise. He thinks the Tiberius Twins are too close and believes the Wedding of the Century is a betrayal of Revolutionary probity. He has a personal feud with Anthony stupid Head, the Scarlett Pimp and his Party offers to double the reward..

CARTOON: Wedding of the Century, Moritz is the groom, but Harry is dressed as the bride. Aunt ada Doom asks “What will the babies look like?”

THOMAN CIVIL WAR: No Kings! No Kings! No Kings!

ON A LIGHTER NOTE: Rumours of a horde of Barbarian Mercenaries doing heroic stuff in Old Shtallingford. Od he say: all rumours are Treason.

POETRY CORNER:
“Just the place for a snark!” the Bellman cried
As he landed his crew with care
Supporting each man on the tip of the tide
By a finger entwined in his hair.


SPORT: Tipster recommends betting on the Red team in the Ball game.

Published: Partida Zorrista, Vyborg Bodega, Micklegate, New Genfish





The Truth: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

REV: Concedes that the Meat Market (Slave Trade) was a cancer in our City and had to be destroyed, but regrets all the Violence.

NEXT STEP: Comite of Publicq Safety is seriously skewed. The Patriotic peasant Party is led by Mayor Moritz, the Noblest Borger of them all. Noraid continues to organize as a secret conspiracy after the time for secrecy has passed. Zorristas idolize their hero and rarely act themselves. CPS has completed its work. It should abdicate and restore the Power to the Civilian Authoriteys.

INTERVIEW: Alice churl Lhudovega is just a country girl at heart, recently moved to the big City. Plug for the Passover pub.





CARTOON: Brue King (half-orc with tusks and crown) chases Galborgis (Brittania with the City gate on her shield.) Galborgis comes to a cliff. She paints a hole on the cliff and hides in the hole. Brue King goes into the hole and gets squished by a train.

THOMAN CIVIL WAR: We should sell arms to all of them. No favours!

ON A LIGHTER NOTE: Alice was bar-maid in the Lonely cat Herd. Her report of the Shtallingford dungeon is like Frazer told it.

POETRY CORNER:
Puff the magic Dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the Autumn mist in a land named Honeylea.
Little jackie Piper loved that rascal Puff
And brought him string and sealing wax and other shiny stuff


SPORT: Tipster recommends betting on the Red team in the Tongs game.

Published: Truth, Beaver’s Pride, Mechlin




Daily Chain Mail: PEASANTS REVOLT, CASTLE PRICES TUMBLE. TRAITORS HANGED, TOMB PRICES SKY-ROCKET

REV: Chocolateers’ Conspiracy: this Easter, ALL chocolate rabbits were hewoic pwoletawians. The Chocolateers had prior information about the REV. The Public has the right to know.

NEXT STEP: Committee of Public Safety has banned all pro-Slavery, Anti-REV almanachs. Freedom of Speech must be restored.

INTERVIEW: Sir Guido fox Zawl is better at Elvish chess than Mayor Moritz and his duelling scars are more fashionable.




CARTOON: A hanging, some grannies knit red hats and scarves, others knit white.

THOMAN CIVIL WAR: We should sell arms to Emperor Geshur. (pro-Noble)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE: KING LASHES OUT AT HOOLIGANS
.jean Paul Gaultier, king of the extinct Waxing Moon tribe, spoke out forcibly against the growing yob-culture that led to the horrific massacre. “When oh when will the Mayor do something about this sort of thing?” he asked in an exclusive interview,
“We only invited Father Piersh to visit so that he could bring the enlightenment and comfort of Religion to my people in the hope that as a devout and civilized nation we would be able to play our full role in the community. When I got the letter Dear Mrs. Gaultier, Congratulations! You and you alone have been specially selected... I thought that was what they meant.”
Orcs kidnapped a Vicar. The REV makes us look weak. Orcs think they can get away with anything.

POETRY CORNER:
In this life, one thing counts
In the bank, large amounts
I’m afraid these don’t grow on trees
You gotta pick a pocket or two


SPORT: Tipster recommends betting on the White team in the Illegal Animal Game.

Published: Triorium Woath




The Moon: THE PEASANTS ARE REVOLTING! WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

REV: No open criticism, just innuendo and single entendre

NEXT STEP: Unite against the Oojies, a dangerous cancer in our midst.

INTERVIEW: Bendix rott Weiler, High Priest of Moloch preaches about family values.




CARTOON: Heroines of the Revolution, Adèle and Pamela with huge tits.

THOMAN CIVIL WAR: We should sell arms to Emperor Karl. (pro-Mercenary)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE: Heroic Duo RESCUE GAY VICAR FROM ORC IN THE BED VICE DEN

Tragedy struck the sleepy village of Old Shtallingford in the wee hours of Thursday morning. Rogue elements from the waxing Sun Orc tribe raided this peaceful and undefended community, the centre of our burgeoning lace trade and kidnapped popular gay vicar Arallic theodore Morish.
The curate was shocked and horrified. “I’m shocked and horrified.” said Piersh van Clavius, the bouffant deacon at Saint Cuthbert’s. “When they steal candlesticks, we can use saucers, when they steal hymnbooks, people can share. But when they steal our whole vicar, we can’t sing mass at all!”
The devious renegades had lain a false trail, leading the militia in the wrong direction. Fortunately, two corrupt Pontiffs, Isambard buckanear Piraeus and Sack tiberio Leow were in the village looking for trouble. Using their dark demonic arts, they interpreted the incoherent ravings of Janner si Vendetta, the village idiot and rushed to the rescue.

This dynamic duo have invented a style of interior decorating that is all their own. Orc entrails on the ceiling, orc blood on the walls, orc brains trampled into the carpet. It may be smelly, but it is the big fashion in Shtalingford.
They rescued Father Alaric and emerging from the cave, blinking in the light, they saw the whole village assembled to cheer their epic deeds. Carried on the shoulders of the rejoicing congregation, with Vestal Virgins scattering flowers along the way, they returned to a heroes’ welcome.
Unconfirmed reports suggest that some oojies helped in some unspecified way.
Od he say – All rumours are treason. And Haroun al Raschid rumours are double treason squared with hundreds and thousands sprinkled on top.


POETRY CORNER:
Do ye ken John Peel with his coat so gay
And his wild “Halloo!” at the break of day
Over the hills and far away
With his horse and his hounds in the morning.


SPORT: Tipster recommends betting on the White team in the Kite flying game.

Published: Docklands Press, Shambles